You got the job, the internship, the coveted spot at your dream school, and you are moving to Boston the first of the month. Congratulations. Welcome.
Your first day here will probably suck. Boston is a funny town, in some ways, but it’s a good town. Here are a few tips to make it suck a little less, if not for you, than for me and my fellow locals.
- You can not drive your Uhaul on Storrow Drive. You might think this is one of our funny rules, it really isn’t. Every year, a few people ignore the signs and get their trucks stuck under a bridge on Storrow Drive. It will be someone, if it is you the whole commuting world will hate you, and you will most certainly be mocked and humiliated, probably on local TV, most certainly on social media.
- There will be no parking. There is a good chance you will be sitting in your car with all of your belongings for a while waiting for a parking spot. Try to be accepting of this.
- The traffic will suck. One of the things about Boston that you will not realize until you drive here is that the streets don’t always make since. Some streets change names. People park in the streets, people double park. You share the lanes with bicycles (which may be moving faster than you). Oh, and mind the city buses. And try not to get hit by a green line trolley.
- People will drive like idiots. Some will be lost, confused, or overly aggravated. Many are foreign students who have never driven in the US before. Others are just idiots. Please, please, please drive defensively, knowing you are in the right will not rebuild your fender.
- If there is a no parking sign, DO NOT park there. The tow truck drivers wake up early. They are ruthlessly efficient. We call it Allston Christmas, for these guys it really is like Christmas morning. Don’t mess with them.
- Don’t pick up a mattress off the street. Bedbugs. Better to sleep on the floor for a couple of nights. If you think that’s common sense, you are probably right, but it doesn’t stop people.
8. Finally, Be nice to the locals. We are not really as mean and scary as we seem, but we go through this sh*t storm every year.
And welcome, one and all, to my city.